We're going down to West Hollywood
Gonna leave our underwear behind
Friendly faces everywhere
Lots of men to take us there
Going down to West Hollywood
And see who we can find.
Ample parking day or night
Going to hotels with little light
Going down to West Hollywood
Standing on a street named Vine
mmmm mm mmm mmmmm mmm mmm
mmmm mm mmm mmmmm mmm mmm
Going down to West Hollywood
and meet some friends of mine!
PPPTTTTTT!
Officer Barbrady: Okay, Mr. Lowe, you're free to go. NEXT!
A shadow looms over Officer Barbrady.
Officer Barbrady: DEAR GOD! HOW THE HELL ARE YOU OUT???!!!!
The scene cuts to the wall with their shadows on it. A stick comes crashing down and blood splatters on the
wall.
Meanwhile back at the pond...Manon Rheaume is playing hockey. It's Manon although you can't tell since her face
is covered with a orange hooded coat. She skates towards a blonde goalie. The camera gets closer to the goalies
eyes. They shake....and she scores!
CTS and Applegate (a.k.a Stan and Kyle) jump in celebration!
CTS/Stan: Woohoo!
Ricci/Cartman: Tweek, you suck, bitch!
Applegate/Kyle: What a great goal, Manon! You're a natural!
Manon: MMMMM MMM (thank you)
Danielle Fishel waddles in wearing a chef's hat and an apron that says "I'm not fat, I just like to sample
my food"
Dani: You sure are something, Manon. You know, I think we just might be able to beat the San Francisco Rainbows
in hockey!
CTS: Yeah, we {beep}ing rule!!
A man in a business suit waddles up into the scene.
Man: That was a great goal you just scored!
Applegate: Who the hell are you?
CTS: Yeah!
Man: My name is Jacques Nouveau.
Applegate: Jacques Cousteau?
Dani: Jacques Cousteau?
Ricci: The famous gay explorer? Get the hell away from me!
Man: No, Jacques....NNNNouveau. I'm a scout for the Vancouver Canucks!
Applegate: Wow! The Vancouver Canucks!
Man: We're having an exhibition game here in West Hollywood, and I'd like for you to come down and try out for
the team.
CTS: Wow! Manon, this could be your big break to get into the NHL!
MR: MMMM MM! M MMMMM MMM MMMMMM! (hell no i might get killed)
Man: Uh, what did she say?
Ricci: Yeah, she said she'd do it!
MR: MMMMMM! (bastard)
Man: Great! Oh, and since you are her friends, here's some tickets for all of you to see her!
All: Whoa, cool!
Man: I'll see you all there!
Dani: Well, I guess this means you won't be able to play against Middle Park, huh.
Manon: MM (no)
Dani: Well, that's alright, you'll get your shot at the big time!
Ricci: Who the hell are they playing?
Dani: Well, let's see here. The uh...well, it doesn't say.
Later at the West Hollywood Arena, CTS, Applegate, Ricci, and Dani all take their seats to watch the warm-ups.
CTS: This cool.
Applegate: This is damn awesome!
CTS: Where's Ricci?
Dani: There she is.
Dani points to the steps. Ricci is carrying a load of food from the concession stands. She makes her way across
the aisle hitting people with her butt. They look at her in anger.
Ricci: 'Scuse me, pardon me, 'cuse me.
Ricci takes a seat next to her friends, and begins eating.
Ricci: They didn't have any cheesy poofs, goddammit!
CTS: Ahem!
Ricci: What?
Applegate: Where's ours?
Ricci: Where's your what?
CTS: Where's our food, fartbrain?!
Ricci: Did you order anything?
Dani: Oh, hey. Look! It's Big Lezzie Parker!
Parker Posey waddles in.
PP: Hiya, kids!
All: Hi, Big Lezzie Parker!
Dani: Hiya, Parker. How are you doing?
PP: I'm just swell!
Dani: Say, what are you doing here?
PP: I just can't stand it! I heard that Manon was gonna be on the Vancouver Cranberries and just wanted to see
her "in action".
CTS: Uh, dudette. She's nine years old!
PP: So?
The kids just look at her.
Dani: Hey, who's your friend?
PP: Why this here is my lover and wife, Katie.
Dani: Hiya, Katie.
Katie: BUURRRRRP
Katie picks her nose.
Dani: Oh, that's nice.
CTS: At least lemme have some popcorn!
Ricci: NO!
Applegate: Yeah, Manon's on the ice right now! Look!
Manon is shown still wearing her hooded coat but has a Vancouver Canucks jersey on top. She fires a few slapshots
that completely miss the net.
Applegate: Man, she's sucking today. She must be nervous.
CTS: Come on, gimme some food.
Ricci: NO! LEAVE ME ALONE OR I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!
CTS and Ricci begin to struggle over the food. Dani leans over towards them taking her eyes off the ice. Meanwhile,
Manon fires a wicked slapshot.
Dani: Come on you two, behave!
The puck deflects off the top of the glass.
Applegate: LOOK OUT!
Dani turns around.
Dani: Huh?
The puck hits her square between the eyes knocking her out. Everyone looks in horror. Ricci hops off her chair!
Ricci: OH MY GOD! I GOT THE PUCK!
CTS: You bastard!
Applegate: We need to get Dani to the doctor!
PP: Don't worry, we'll take her!
Katie: BURRRRP
Inside Dani's head...
Dani's in her kitchen surrounded by food but she's unhappy. She's frantically searching around the kitchen for
something but she can't find it. Then she realizes she left her stove on. The gas was choking her. She falls
to her knees, gasping....
Dani wakes up. She turns her nose away from the smelling salt.
Doctor: We thought we might have lost you.
Dani doesn't respond. She just stares blankly into space.
PP: Dani? Are you alright?
Dani: No.
PP: What's wrong.
Dani: I've lost it.
PP: Lost it? Lost what?
Dani: Will you help me find it?
PP: Sure. What did you lose?
Dani: Would you help me find..........my clitoris?
Big Lezzie Parker smiles.
PP: Of course!
Katie: BURRRRRP!
Back in the arena...
Applegate: I sure hope Dani will be alright. She promised to make some salty white chocolate balls when we
get home. Guys?
CTS is munching away at some popcorn. Ricci has a black eye.
Ricci: Bitch!
CTS smiles at Ricci.
The scene switches back to the ice where the skaters are entering the rink.
PA Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen before we start we'd like to announce two changes to the lineups. First, starting
in goal for Vancouver...Manon Rheaume!
Applegate: Cool, they made Manon a goalie!
Ricci: She sure does suck!
PA Announcer: And for the Boston Bruins starting on defense...Please welcome back after 27 years of suspensions
and 25 years of it serving in the West Hollywood Penetentiary...MARTY MCSORLEY!
Ricci: It sucks to be her!
Manon's eyes widen in fear under her goalie mask!
Manon: MMMM! (what)
PA Announcer: Okay, we're ready to drop the puck.
Manon: MM MM MM MM! (no no no no)
PA Announcer: Look out Boston's got a quick breakaway. And here comes McSorley!
Manon freezes in fear as the puck rises over her left shoulder.
PA Announcer: GOAL! Looks like McSorley had Manon not knowing which way to go!
Ricci: She sucks.
Later...3 minutes later...
PA Announcer: Five to nothing, Bruins, and McSorley's on his way back with another breakaway!...GOAL! Six to nothing
Boston, and we haven't even played 4 minutes yet! Ut oh, looks like the coach is gonna pull Manon! This just
wasn't her night!
Manon looks over to the bench seeing her replacement come out.
Manon: MMMM! (phew)
Manon removes her mask, and skates towards her bench.
PA Announcer: Ut oh, looks like McSorley is wanting to pick a fight with someone. The Canucks know better than
that, they're all avoiding him. Look out, Manon's gonna run into him!
Manon accidentally bumps into McSorley. McSorley slices Manon in half with his stick. Blood flys everywhere.
Applegate: OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED MANON!
CTS pukes. They look at the carnage...........completely unconcerned for her.
Paramedics carry both halves of Manon on a stretcher. Maintenence workers come out to clean up the ice. One of
them looks up at McSorley.
Worker: YOU BASTARD!
Applegate: Manon sucked! I'm leaving!
CTS/Ricci: Yeah.
They get out of their seats and leave.
CTS: Say, aren't we forgetting someone?
Ricci: Yeah, we're forgetting to watch Brian Boitano during the first intermission.
Applegate: No we're not. Let's go!
Ricci: Okay.
Meanwhile back in the doctor's office. Dani lies down in gaze on the bed. Parker slowly removes Dani's clothing
while Katie stands and scratches her butt. Parker's head disappears below the screen then pops back up again.
PP: OH MY GOD! SHE'S GOT A PENIS!
Katie: YOU BASTARD!
PP: She did, she did lose her clitoris!!!! She's a hermaphrodite!
Katie walks over to take a look. Her head disappears from the screen. Parker jumps up and runs out of the
room.
PP: Oh, Katie! You are sick! Sick!
Monty Python's "The Penis Song" plays as the end credits scroll.